if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
