spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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