He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
