I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
