even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
