The best revenge is premature balding
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
