Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
