We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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