Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
