my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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