You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
