Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
