just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
