Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
