yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
