bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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