I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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