He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
