didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
