Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
