I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
