just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
