At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
