Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
