the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album