he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit