Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016