yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain