we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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