a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
