Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
