My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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