i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
