this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
