I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
