I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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