He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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