I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
