You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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