hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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