coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
