On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
