She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
