Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
