he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
