i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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