The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax