dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again