Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it