Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.