Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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