all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
