Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
