Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
