I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
