you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize