Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
