ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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