So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
