i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
