you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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