There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
