I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The Olympian is in my bed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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