eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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