if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
