Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
