I accidentally had phone sex last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
