I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
