I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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