Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
