The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just invented taco cereal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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