He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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