Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
