we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
sex in a hospital.. check
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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