Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
