He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
