College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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