FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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