He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
