sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
