I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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