okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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