I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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