i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
