i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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