this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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