she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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