Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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