when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
