I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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