i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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