He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
