explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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