I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
